Horror Movie Review: Satan’s Blade (1985)

A great example of low-budget slasher horror from the 80s, Satan’s Blade has many, many problems. From bad acting, stilted dialogue, confused direction and overuse of the same musical score. However, it has some charm making it less of a chore to watch. You’ll be entertained, maybe only mildly but entertained none the less.

The movie opens at a bank robbery where two masked people steal $50,000 dollars and kill two women. The two thieves head to a snowy mountain cabin resort to hide out and await their partner. It’s here our robbers/murderers are revealed to be a pair of women. They laugh and joke about the heist without a care about the two women they killed before one turns on the other, killing her.

Attempting to dispose of the body of her partner, the blood-crazy killer is stabbed in the back by an unseen assailant. With both now dead, the police arrive later. Finding their bodies and a mysterious symbol/warning painted on the wall in their blood.

What does it mean? Well, it relates to another set of murders that occurred at the cabin many years before. That’s exposition for the owner of the resort to tell though. Which she does in drawn out fashion to a new set of characters arriving the next day.

Two married couples who are staying to celebrate one of the men’s recent passing of the bar exam and a group of college girls looking to have fun on the slopes.

Both sets of characters hear about the local legend of a murderous mountain man. One who rises from the bottom of a nearby lake to kill those who stay on the mountain.

It’s just a story though, right? That’s what are characters think so they all decide to stay taking a cabin next to each other.

…and we all know what happens next. An unseen killer stalks and kills off the guest one by one. Is the legend of the mountain man true or is it somebody taking advantage to settle old scores?

Littered with errors, Satan’s Blade is a messy movie. One where the boom mic is clearly visual at the top of the screen during several scenes or actors will stare directly into the camera lenses.

Taking of which, what a hilarious bunch this lot are. Props for most of the actors, they’re rubbish but they sure try hard. From the two bank tellers overly dramatic deaths at the start, to the two males of the movie doing a amusing job of pretending to be drunk to the females’ willingness to take their tops off. The effort to make something of their roles is commendable even if most can’t hack it.

It’s not just their acting ability though as so much of the dialogue is poorly written. Coming out of these robotic mouths it just sounds so much worse. As characters go, they’re standard slasher fare but you could see a few people getting annoyed with just how helpless the females are in it. Normally this sort of thing would get a bit of a pass as it’s an 80s horror but it really pushes its luck.

Honesty, they’re so bad it goes in a complete circle to being hilariously entertaining.

What isn’t so entertaining though is the story. Uninspired slasher horror with a ‘twist’ ending that can only be called a twist because nobody could have seen it coming. Not because it’s well hidden or cleverly done but because it involves a character who was only in the movie for a handful of minutes (if that) and adds some sudden supernatural elements! It’s nonsense and disappointing considering the entertainment value found elsewhere. However, it’s hard to hate on a movie that will make you unintentionally laugh and stick in the mind for so time afterwards.

Satan's Blade
  • The Final Score - 4/10
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