Horror Movie Review: Sorority Slaughterhouse (2016)
Eric Roberts is Dean Whitman & he has fallen in love with one of his students at a sorority house. He calls her to tell her that he’s told his wife & they can be together only to be turned down! Humiliated he shots himself in the head where some of his blood splatters onto a recently delivered voodoo clown doll, Bobo.
His soul is transferred into the doll where he decides to go & kill the members of the sorority house in revenge.
What we could have got was a pun-tastic horror romp filled with boobs & buckets of blood. A cross between the Chucky movies & the Puppet Master series but instead we get a terribly unfunny & disappointing film that is so boring Eric Roberts sounds like he’s falling asleep reading his lines.
He voices the clown doll in a mix of two voices. One is a stupid sounding high-pitched noise while the other is his normal voice except he sounds like he is narrating the dolls actions! He’s pretty terrible, clearly not interested in this at all.
Amazingly he’s not the worst thing in the movie though! The rest of the cast, the sorority girls & one of their boyfriends are awful with characters that end at 4 letter words. Slut, Nerd, Mean…no matter what though it always comes back to sex.
The nerd character gets horny watching her friend kiss her fella so decides to go & write the rest of her steamy trash novel. Writing it though, she gets even more turned on so decides to crack out the vibrator which promptly runs out of batteries.
Desperate, she decides to use the clown doll…that’s not funny, that’s just stupid.
What adds to the overall dumbness though is just how fake the doll actually looks. Not in a CGI kind of way but rather its general movements & what it is capable of.
It has the strength to pick up a baseball bat & knock someone out, it has the strength to strangle a woman with a skip-rope or hold her head under a bucket of bleach. This thing is only about 12 inches big (not my joke, the movies) & never looks like it’s capable of gripping anything!
None of this really matters though as it’s such a boring watch you won’t care about the revelation that the Dean was under a spell put on him by one of the sorority members nor will you care about the horribly awkward lesbian love angle that’s jammed in at the end (not a pun, I swear).
The ending is mercifully abrupt even if it’s a bit like the movie makers ran out of time so just said ‘fuck it’. After seducing the doll in another lengthy & painfully acted scene the last surviving sorority house girl shoves him into the garbage disposal resulting in an Evil Dead style bloodbath & that’s it. Mid-blood spurt the movie just ends.
Phew.
Sorority Slaughterhouse
-
The Final Score - 3/10
3/10