The third & final (as of July 2017) Creepshow anthology came out 19 years after Creepshow 2 was released. You can read our reviews of the first one here & the second one here. Absolutely no-one involved in the original two were involved in the making of this movie…and it shows. Creepshow 3 is an abomination of a movie, a piss-poor anthology that is stuffed with dire acting, horrible effects & laughable stories.
Straight from the start this doesn’t feel like a Creepshow film. The wrap-around story drops the comic horror element of the first two & instead showing the characters from each individual story interacting with each other at some point. There’s a hot-dog stand that seems to be the focal point but that’s about it. It’s boring & pointless. There is no wow factor with such a forgettable cast interacting with each other.
Alice is the opening story & has just one thing going for it…the effects. Alice (Stephanie Pettee) is a spoilt teenage girl who arrives home to find her father messing around with a universal remote. As he presses buttons everyone in the family except for Alice change ethnicity becoming African American or Hispanic.
The remote does have some effect on Alice though as she gets a rash & gross looking sores on her body. The more buttons that are pushed, the more she mutates until her true form is revealed causing her family to shun her in horror.
That’s it. There’s a little bit at the end about the local scientist turning her into a rabbit but it hardly matters as this pointless & boring tale has already used all its goodwill up with the very nice looking effects of Alice mutating.
Things get worse with the incredibly boring, The Radio. Jerry (A.J Bowen) buys an old radio from a homeless man. When he uses it he discovers this is no ordinary radio. It can talk & it’s not long before Jerry is listening to it & obeying its instructions. The radio turns him into a thief & a murderer on the promise of a better life.
The ending is lacklustre built around characters it’s impossible to care one bit about. It’s a chore to watch & offers no exciting or fun moments.
Call Girl manages to be the most hilarious of the bunch…unintentionally. Rachel is a prostitute & takes a call from Victor. She agrees to go to his home for sex but unknown to Victor she also doubles up as a serial killer.
Unfortunately for Rachel though, Victor also has his own secret. Something that he wants to share with her. Mercifully short, the only thing you’ll remember about Call Girl is the absurd looking & hilarious faces.
Three stories in & Creepshow 3 has so far proved to be nothing more then poorly thought out & boring horror stories. Thankfully The Professor’s Wife is at least entertaining with its tongue in cheek approach that feels like classic Creepshow.
Professor Dayton is getting married & two of his former students have come to celebrate with him. They are shocked to see his would be wife is way younger then him & come to the conclusion that she is a robot.
A robot that the professor has built over the last 20 years. Her behaviour & demeanour convinces the duo, so when the professor leaves they attempt to dismantle her to see how she works.
Once she’s in pieces they come to the unfortunate realisation that she wasn’t a robot after all.
Silly but fun to watch, The Professor’s Wife is the standout episode of the film. Which isn’t really saying much when it’s held up against any of the original stories.
Creepshow 3 finishes up with Haunted Dog. A cruel & rude doctor gives a homeless man a hot-dog he just dropped on the ground. The homeless man dies & ends up haunting the doctor until he eventually dies of a heart attack. Clearly ripping off The Hitch-Hiker from Creepshow 2 the homeless man even says a similar line, “thanks for the good dog”.
Utterly devoid of entertainment the best moment comes when it ends & the wrap-around story shows the Professor from the 4th story going through with his wedding alongside his stitched up bride. The film ends with the reveal that the hot-dog vendor was the Creep all along.
Other then one short story here, Creepshow 3 completely misses the point of the series so far. Creepshow is about horror but its tongue has always been jammed firmly in its dead cheek. This sequel takes itself far too seriously, lacks decent acting, good visuals or a decent wrap-around tale. It’s disappointing to see just how uninspired most of the shorts here are, they are all so forgettable.
Just don’t bother.
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