Yet another entry in the Amityville franchise that is just another ‘loose’ entry. Amityville Island is a no-budget stinker that takes the Amityville name and slaps it on the front with almost no links to the original story or franchise as a whole.
I say ‘almost’ because unlike many others in this series, Amityville Island at least has one. Carefully used so as to not get the attention or ire of the franchise rights holder. If you don’t know, the reason why we have so many movies in this franchise is that anybody can put the name Amityville in their title and not be sued. It’s a place, a real place so as long as you don’t use the name Amityville and the word ‘horror’, you’re good to go. That’s why we’ve had such as rubbish like Amityville: Vanishing Point, Amityville Exorcism, Amityville Prison, Amityville: Mt. Misery Road and this film.
You can read our definitive ranking of the Amityville series here.
Many, weren’t even made to be Amityville films but rather had their name changed after to try and market them to people like me. People who like to be abused by this franchise. Watching the movies is akin to abuse and while Amityville Island has a softer touch, it’s still going to hurt.
Directed by Mark Polonia, who after this and Amityville Exorcism, I am now convinced couldn’t make a good film even if he had a big budget, and starring Danielle Donahue, Jamie Morgan and Jeff Kirkendall.
Immediately, the no-budget nature of this film shines through. So brightly that it might burn your retinas. The film looks like it was made on a mobile and not a modern one either. The sound is either echoey or tinny and the cast… oh boy.
Kelly Jo (Jamie Morgan) and her kids have moved to Amityville, right across from the infamous house apparently. There’s your reference, now bugger off.
Seeing a woman selling some wares in the yard and short on money, Kelly Jo goes and buys a load of her stuff. She heads home, we then see the woman was possessed or under the instructions of some demons before she kills herself.
Kelly Jo, blissfully unaware of what she has bought, seems to get possessed then takes a knife and kills her kids. Wow! What a start right? Sounds awesome. Except it’s not and we see none of the aforementioned kid murder. Remember? No budget trash.
Kelly Jo ends up in a prison some time later where the warden and guards force women to fight so they can record it and put it on the internet. This section of the movie goes on for ever and comes across like a student film. Students who are about to fail the film course because of this.
Kelly Jo and Renata (Danielle Donahue) get into it but the former’s possession gives her the strength to overcome the latter. It seems as though the demon is happy hanging out inside Kelly Jo, or at least until it gets to where it wants to go. Which seems to be an island prison where a mad scientist is conducting human experiments. His latest ‘volunteers’? Kelly Jo and Renata who are going to have to team up to escape.
Though they’ll have to deal with a horrendous CGI shark (only in it for 30 seconds), a psychotic doctor who just won’t shut up, some ‘deadly’ animals and a zombie, where you can see the end of the mask over its jacket, clear as day.
It might sound like fun but it’s really not. There’s cheap and then there’s no talent and no attempt to even try. When it’s not assaulting your eyes with its rubbish effects and cinematography, it’s assaulting your ears with excruciating dialogue, embarrassing acting and ear-bleeding sound effects.
If all of that wasn’t bad enough, which it really should be, the film is so boring. For a plot this stupid and this paper thin, all anybody wants to do is talk about it.
It’s a shocker but an expected shocker. It might sound like the worst Amityville film to date but thanks to its short run time and the likability of Kelly Jo, it ends up being marginally better than some of the others.
Considering we have given 0/10 to several Amityville movies, it’s high praise that this rubbish isn’t going to be another.
The Final Score - 1/10