Horror Movie Review: Satan’s Cellar (2026)

Earlier this year I wrote a review of the latest album from the UK’s finest gothic punk/horror heavy metal band, Lesbian Bed Death called ‘Satan’s Cellar’. Why does this matter? Because the album ‘Satan’s Cellar’ is the soundtrack to the horror anthology of the same name, written and directed by rhythm guitarist Dan Peach.

It’s no secret, I think, that Dan loves horror and Satan’s Cellar embodies all that love in glorious b-movie fashion. An anthology horror that had me grinning from ear to ear throughout. It’s bloody, it’s campy, the soundtrack rocks, and it’s a tight 75-minutes long. You will be entertained, provided you go in seeing the film for what it is. A low-budget love-letter to horror in various forms.

The wrap-around story is a clever one and the intro sets things up nicely. Taking place in Stoke-on-Trent, we see decline in all its starkness, while focusing on flyers for a ‘battle of the bands’ competition.

The members of Half-Eaten Angels are determined to win it, but they’ll have to get past the likes of Dropkick Suzie, a foul-mouthed pop-punk band and Wet Hoarder, a corpse-painted death metal band. What’s a newly formed band to do? Practice their songs and get good? Or go to some local caves, camp out, and offer tributes to the effigy of Robongula, an ancient goddess of music, theatre, and wine. Probably drugs too.

So, in case you can’t tell, Satan’s Cellar isn’t taking itself too seriously and is all the better for it. I wouldn’t call it ‘laugh out loud’ funny, but you might be surprised by how many times a chuckle or a snort escapes.

Anyway, tributes for Robongula come in the form of horror stories which the band tell around the campfire. Six stories (including the wrap around which is called The Battle of the Bands), beginning with A Viewing with A Vampire. A short horror story about an estate agent vampire (Myriam Sarah) who is requested personally for a showing. However, it’s a trap and her past is about to catch up with her. It’s a fun story with great locations, great outfits, and great melting effects. I also dig the Blade reference explaining how she can go out in the sun. Also, is it just me or does Myriam Sarah take a little inspiration for her character from the show What We Do in the Shadows and the character of Nadja?

Uncle Bryan is next and it stars James Edward Kelsey as Paul, a mild-mannered man who hears the voice of his dead Uncle Bryan, played by David Fenton, in his head. Uncle Bryan is the complete opposite of Paul, a rude and obnoxious man who constantly demands Paul stand up for himself. It’s not until Paul is mugged, beaten up, and left for dead that Uncle Bryan is able to take over his body and exact his revenge. He violently kills the muggers, but having had a taste of being alive again, Uncle Bryan wants more.

I found this story initially intriguing, especially as it seemed more serious and was taking its props from Jekyll and Hyde, but it peters out and ends abruptly. It, like a few of the stories here, needed to be just a little longer, I think.

One that is about the right length though is Username: BT69. Especially as it’s basically nothing more than a slice of torture porn that comes with a revenge angle. Where a douchebag man gets his comeuppance when his drink is spiked and a psychotic woman named Imogen (aka BT69) decides to experiment on him.

A gritty, nasty, gory short that is very entertaining thanks to JJ Conner’s brilliant turn as Imogen (she seems to be having a real laugh with the role), the effects, and an ending that is delightfully twisted.

Whereas I really liked that one, I’m less keen on The Lycanthropriest, even though I like the silliness of the idea. The issue is that it’s more talk than action, and while it does boast one of the stronger casts, I was hoping for a bit more werewolf antics. It does have some really excellent shots though, especially inside the church.

Finally, before we go back to The Battle of the Bands, it’s The Sentinel. A creative story about a group of friends who go looking for treasure and end up coming across something horrific. If you can believe it, this one is about aliens and I loved the reveal, especially as the cast throw their all into it. It’s not the most energetic story, but it’s one of the better told ones.

The last twenty minutes of the film sees a packed Satan’s Cellar (the venue) experience some mighty metal and catchy rock. Courtesy of Wet Hoarder, a song called ‘Pensioner-Cum Mukbang’ and a pop-punk song from Dropkick Suzie about wanting to have a good time, no matter what. I almost choked on a drink when the line “I get turned on when you cry” was sung. Amazing and hilarious.

Then it’s time for Half-Eaten Angels (who play Lesbian Bed Death’s Switchblade Valentine), but not before Wet Hoarder are taken out of contention via Uncle Bryan and The Lycanthropriest. It appears the tributes to Robongula have paid off, but what does that mean for Dropkick Suzie and the Battle of the Bands?

A fantastic story that wraps the film up nicely, tying up everything in a fun, rock and roll, way. Credit to Dan Peach and everyone involved for over-delivering here. I, at best, hoped that Satan’s Cellar would be a decent watch overall, but I think it’s so much more than that.

It has its faults, but those faults are more than forgivable because it embraces it all so wholeheartedly. It’s a riotous ride of horror paying tribute to a wide range of media that came before. Horror fans will have a lot of fun picking out the detail and references throughout.

All of this is complimented by a soundtrack that fits the tone, never feels forced, and is genuinely good to listen too. Although for those who know Lesbian Bed Death, that should be no surprise.

Go into it with an open mind and see it for what it is, and you’ll have so much fun.