With tongue firmly planted in cheek, one-man grindcore band Chopping Mall (not the 80’s cheese-fest horror movie) will release ‘Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets’ on April 17th 2020.
In Chopping Mall’s own words:
These songs are cautionary tales with not just catchy pulverizing riffs, but also lyrics that deal with complex issues such as food, magic, occupational hazards, and getting killed by forest animals. The lessons you learn from this music will probably save your life, and the lives of others, and in the end will make you a better person.
Even though it has a comedic edge, you just need to hear the intro of Mashed Into An Unrecognizable Pulp to get that, this is an album rooted in the most eye-watering of grind noise. The kind of stuff that makes the bowels loosen and the bile begin to climb up the throat.
Fans of this sort of thing will find themselves comfortably at home with the short and violent jabs that it delivers though. Although, it is important to not sell Chopping Mall short as it is far from unlistenable noise spat out at a constant ferocious pace. In fact there are many tracks where it takes a more death-infused stance within the guitar riffs in particular.
The likes of Rapid Formation of Mold, Impaled By Elephant Tusks, Rotten Curdled Milk Spraying From The Mouth Of A Wizard and Plastered in Unicorn Feces are literal head-bangers.
However, if you’re looking for some of that Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese to bathe in, you’ll certainly find suffering here. Burned By Hot Popcorn Steam, Pushed Down An Elevator Shaft and the 2 second blast that is Ruined Food will deliver.
This is one of those grind albums that has to be a recommendation just because of what it accomplishes. A difficult style of metal to sell to newbies and non-fans, Chopping Mall are well and truly in the upper echelons of quality.
Chopping Mall – Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets Full Track Listing:
1. Mashed Into An Unrecognizable Pulp
2. Forced To Eat Moldy Granola
3. Rapid Formation Of Mold
4. Burned By Hot Popcorn Steam
5. Gored By A Dinosaur Skeleton That Came To Life At The Museum
6. Impaled By Elephant Tusks
7. Shitting In Joel Oalsteen’s Mouth
8. Choking On Unchewed Food
9. Pushed Down An Elevator Shaft
10. Rotten Curdled Milk Spraying From The Mouth Of A Wizard
11. Bubbling Liquefied Innards Simmering In A Cast Iron Cauldron
12. Plastered In Unicorn Feces
13. Ruined Food
14. Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets
15. Shut Your Kid Up
16. Gurgling Vomit From The Mouth Of An Engorged Walrus
17. Dismembered By Mossy Elk Antlers
18. Shove Christmas Up Your Ass
19. Torn To Shreds By Eagle Talons
20. Formed Into Meatloaf
Chopping Mall - Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets (Self Released)
The Final Score - 9/10