Game Review: Too Many Santas! (Xbox Series X)

Too Many Santas! is a visual novel game that is rough around the edges, is far to weird to be that compelling, and doesn’t have enough going on to hold the attention beyond a cursory playthrough yet manages to have some charm through its sheer determination to entertain the player. Even if said determination inevitably falls short.

The player takes on the role of a failing department store owner. It’s going to be a sad Christmas by the look of things. That is until six magical Santa Clauses’ appear to offer their aid. Six unique versions of the jolly fat man. Saintly Santa, Sassy Santa, Sexy Santa, Sad Santa, Secret Santa, and Sleepy Santa. How can they help? Are they going to spread Christmas cheer? Fill the store up with presents? Draw in the crowds with their Santa-esqe ways? Do some much-needed decorating?

How about none of that! This visual novel is actually more of a dating sim! It’s time to get a boyfriend or girlfriend! Not only do you have to seduce a Santa (and deal with their different personalities) but you have to find your Christmas spirit on route to getting a ‘naughty’ or ‘nice’ ending.

Yes, Too Many Santas! is a wholly unserious game filled with corny jokes, awkward imagery (some of these Santas actually worked on the game), and a certain amount of salacious writing. We’re not talking Fifty Shades of Grey here, but there’s a certain amount of raunchiness embedded in the stories.

All of which does add a certain amount of appeal, except, none of it is particularly good. Not only is the writing really awkward and so far from sexy, but it’s also not funny. Really not funny. Where all the jokes are reliant on the defining feature of each Santa. Sexy Santa is constantly flexing and would love for you to sit on his lap. Sad Santa is depressed. Sleepy Santa keeps falling asleep. And so on. Flat joke after flat joke, and the longer it goes on, the more wince-inducing it all becomes.

It’s also not that interesting either. Lacking the depth needed to make the romance side of things interesting or in some cases, believable. Some of the Santa stories work better than others, and with choices to make, some personality seeps into each, but it’s very basic stuff. Which means there are very few moral lessons either and come the end, the entire thing feels flimsy and light.

Here’s the thing though. There’s nothing really wrong with the game, and as far as visual novels go, it’s far from the worst. As I said before, some of the awkward writing has a ‘kind of’ charm. The Christmas theme is welcome too, and the imagery, while not great, does fit the tone. You might get a kick out of a playthrough or two, especially if you’re willing to throw your all into finding love with one of these Santas!