Remakes huh? Don’t we all love them!?
10 – Friday The 13th
Combining elements of the first 4 films, making the Jason character more sympathetic & a more complete killer, Friday the 13th is a frustrating watch. The problem is that the horror movie clichés present in the early movies are over-done in modern horror & they just don’t work anymore. As a remake this version offers nothing new to the franchise & at times even goes backwards with some of its attempts at black humour.
9 – The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The Texas remake actually tries to change things up a bit but unfortunately not for the better. It has some good ideas but lacks the impact that the first had. It just isn’t scary &, like a lot of remakes, decides to up the gore.
8 – The Omen
Offers nothing fresh & diminishes scenes from the first making them less impactful. The babysitter scene is a standout moment from the original that left you feeling cold; in this it just feels silly. The parts they did bother to change aren’t changed for the better & you’re not likely to notice or care. Too much déjà-vu…
7 – The Amityville Horror
I don’t understand the point of remakes that aren’t aiming to improve on the original & The Amityville Horror really doesn’t try. For starters casting Van Wilder in the role of George Lutz even with some facial fuzz was a strange decision & one many found hard to take seriously. This version looks much sleeker as you would expect but loses the scare factor. It relies way too much on what we can see rather then what we can’t.
6 – Quarantine
Shot for shot remakes are just the absolute worst way to do remakes. I think they are lazy as hell & conjure up images of the cast & crew gathered around a DVD of the original, pausing it & then doing it ‘like that’. Quarantine is a shot for shot remake of Rec, the Spanish zombie horror set in an apartment block. Being a shot for shot remake Quarantine isn’t a bad movie but its front cover manages to spoil the ending…how stupid is that?
5 – Psycho
Vince Vaughan huh?
Arguably the first film to do a shot for shot remake…Psycho even uses most of the dialogue & camera angles from the original albeit in colour & with worse actors. Iconic horror movies are the hardest to remake yet they are almost always the ones Hollywood decides to do.
4 – The Fog
The Fog was a classic horror filled with nail-biting tension; the remake has absolutely none of this. How scary are CGI ghosts? Yeah, exactly. Bad acting mixed with an un-necessarily complex story makes The Fog remake a chore to watch. It also has one of the worst endings in this list.
3 – A Nightmare on Elm Street
I knew I would hate it the moment it was announced…A Nightmare on Elm Street is too iconic, Robert Englund is too iconic, it could never work…and it didn’t. Turning Freddy into a more realistic burn victim made his make-up look crap. Taking his wise-cracks & the air of make-believe that exists in dreams was crap. Adding a back-story where we are expected to sympathise with Freddy was crap. Making up the plot development of micro-naps was just the worst crap of all.
2 – Day of the Dead
I’m not going to talk about bad casting; I’m not going to talk about the huge story changes & I’m not going to talk about how boring the movie is. No, what I’m going to talk about is just how bad the zombies are in this horrible remake. They run, they jump very long distances & some can even climb on the freakin’ roof. How can I enjoy a zombie movie when you can’t get zombies right?
1 – The Wickerman
What else could have been No.1?
What more can I say that my review here hasn’t already said?
I don’t care how much effort Nic Cage puts in, it is a terrible movie that hurts the original in its awful glory. His name is Malus…male & phallus put together…I swear if I ever meet the person who came up with that…
So what do ya think? Did I miss one that you think should be included?