Horror Movie Review: Friday the 13th – Remake (2009)

Ahh, the Friday the 13th series, so iconic that a remake was inevitable & in 2009 we got just that, a reboot of the series making it the 12th entry overall.

Originally planned as a Jason origin story (yeah, because we needed another one of those) the remake instead takes the first four films & jams them all together to make a sub-standard movie that offers nothing fresh or interesting to the slasher genre.

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The movie opens showing Pamela Voorhees’s decapitation after her killing spree at Camp Crystal Lake (the events that occurred in the first film) while a young Jason watches.

30 years later & we meet a group of bland, forgettable friends who are on a camping trip to Crystal Lake in search of marijuana growing in the woods. It’s not long before Jason (the sack-headed version of him, he gets his mask later) arrives & starts dispatching them so quickly I had to check the films running time!


It’s no wonder that these characters weren’t given much in the way of character development as they are just fodder for this version of Jason to up his body count. He kills them all except Whitney who he decides to kidnap instead because she looks like his mother.

Some time later we meet our next group of bland, forgettable friends who are on their way to hang out at lead douche-bag, Trent’s cabin near Crystal Lake. You see, we know Trent is a dick because Whitney’s brother, Clay runs into them in a store asking for information about his missing sister & Trent gets in his face about it.

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I’d have more sympathy for Clay if he wasn’t so boring in every way, he seems so half-hearted about finding his sister & ends up becoming more interested in stealing in Trent’s girlfriend who is only just realising that he is a bit of twat.

The rest of the group are clichéd as hell, a mix of stoners & bimbos all behaving like such cretins that you will find yourself taking Jason’s side when the killing starts.

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Thankfully there are some entertaining deaths even if one in particular is just an excuse to show off some boobs. Jason is quite intimidating & imposing but as per usual when it comes to killing important characters his threat level drops heavily.

The latter half of the movie begins to drag heavily as Clay finds his sister & they spend far too much of the movie evading the hockey-masked killer. There is little tension as Jason closes in on his victims as we’ve already seen them fight him off & escape many times before.

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The reuniting of Clay & Whitney should have been emotional but instead I found myself hoping Clay would get a machete through his back straight after just for the comedy that would be Whitney’s attempts at expressionism. It makes little sense for Jason to keep her alive just because she kind of resembles his younger mother & it’s far too convenient a plot point.

The end result is every Friday movie ever…the hero/heroine fight off Jason & think they’ve killed him. So for someone reason they carry his body all the way to the lake & throw him in. He sinks, we get a lingering shot of his mask & you think the movie is over. Until he comes smashing out of the dock grabbing Whitney.

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Ah good old sequel bait endings…

What is surprising is that we’ve not had a sequel as this release was pretty successful. I’m not sure why though as it’s a boring & uninspired slasher filled with no characters, average to bad acting & clichés that are just unacceptable. I know it’s a remake but don’t just follow the exact same path the other tread & if you can’t come up with anything new? Don’t make the damn film!

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Friday the 13th - Remake
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