Horror Movie Review: Sugarplum (2017)

We’ve seen bad Christmas horror movies. Movies so poor that there are no redeeming features and all we can do is write enough words to hopefully convince you to avoid watching it. A few years ago, we thought we had hit the bottom of the well with 2013’s Krampus: The Christmas Devil only to find that its sequel, Krampus 2: The Devil Returns was just as bad. Both movies share the unhonourable distinction of being our only Christmas horror reviews with a score of 0/10.

Well, no more. Sugarplum joins them. However, it has to be stressed that it is worse. Worse because it makes all 47 minutes of its runtime feel like triple that. Worse because it is so poorly made, characters change outfits and have different hairstyles and facial hair between shots. This is not a joke.

It’s worse than the Krampus pairing because it proclaims itself so boldly with its opening credits and then churns out a mind numbingly boring story. Worse because its cast are doing a horrendous job in the acting department and worse because it has almost no blood and its villain is embarrassingly bad.

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Do we really need to say anymore? Sugarplum spends around 45 minutes of its runtime telling you things. Then about 2 minutes showing you things. All anyone does in this movie is talk and the icing on this turd-cake is the impossibly lengthy retelling of the Sugarplum Fairy villain of this movie. This section is where most will probably give up. Where we get some sort of ‘Lord of the Rings’ style retelling of a battle between Santa, Krampus and his creations, the Sugarplum fairies. All done with shitty drawings that if your child did, you’d throw in the bin.

It’s so bad, so boring, so filler, that we became convinced it was a joke. That at any point, it was going to break the fourth-wall and everyone involved was going to turn to the camera and start laughing.

It’s not a joke. It’s a serious film. One that seems to have been stretched from a 2-minute short into a 47-minute movie. Do you like two men standing around, drinking and talking about Christmas lights and their wives for ages? Do you enjoy awkward fights about bad hair colouring? How about random hunters in the forest talking about hunting the Sugarplum fairy? Or Saint Nicolas enjoying a glass of milk? All with some of the worst acting outside of a Krampus horror!?

It’s so bad. Take our word for it. There’s no entertainment to be had here. No, so bad it’s good. It’s just all bad. We have here, the worst Christmas horror we have ever seen.




Sugarplum
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