Horror Movie Review: Centipede (2004)

Written and directed by Gregory Gieras, Centipede is one of those mildly enjoyable SyFy movies that takes itself far too seriously, but can’t escape the mountain of cheese that emanates from it.

Starring Trevor Murphy, Margaret Cash, Larry Casey, George Foster, it’s a ‘nature gone wrong/creature feature’ horror (how fresh) with a cast of bland caricatures. Don’t believe me? Two of the characters are exes, and one of them is about to get married. After this ordeal, guess who is getting back together at the end?

It’s hilariously trite, but to be expected in a 2004 movie called Centipede. Where it’s time to have one last hurrah before the lead character is locked up for life by marrying a rich woman, he has no business being with. Yawn.

His pals want to take him away for the weekend. Not to Vegas. Not to Europe. Not even to a bar at the end of the street. No, they want to go to India and do some cave-diving. As you do. Although it does appear as though these characters are regular cave-divers, so a break can be given here for the writing.

What can’t be given a break is a line of dialogue here that is so cringe, your entire body will curl up.

Where is the creamy bride to be?

Who the f**k uses the word ‘creamy’ in this context?

Anyway, off they go, where they are met by some female friends, one which is the lead’s ex. Oh yeah, she’s also dating another member of the party, and will not stop making eyes at her ex throughout. In case you can’t tell, the characters aren’t that likable, but calling them characters is probably giving the writing far more credit than it deserves.

So, in they go, and guess what? They end up trapped after a cave-in, and end up in unexplored caves. Ones that are home to some giant centipedes. Will they be able to escape the grasp of the monstrous insects? Will they be able to escape the caves? And will love conquer all?

Pure unfiltered cheese, which is what saves Centipede from being an abject failure of a movie. Even though the writing and acting is driven in a serious manner, the movie cannot escape its concept and tropes. You could play a drinking game here, downing a shot whenever a cliché occurs or is said, and you’d be dangerously drunk by the halfway point.

Fun though. Which Centipede can be, when it’s not bogged down by pointless character and relationship drama. We’re all here for giant centipedes, and in that regard, the film does not disappoint.

Utilising practical effects over CGI, to create some unnerving creepy-crawlies. They are the highlight of the film, alongside the hilariously bad ending, it’s just a shame they take so long to turn up.

Know what you’re getting into here, and you’ll have a much better time, unless you’re lactose intolerant.