What the hell was this!?
On the one hand Blood Diner is an awful horror movie but damn it, if it isn’t incredibly entertaining in its awfulness. The perfect example of a ‘so bad it’s good’ horror movie.
Directed by Jackie Kong and written by Michael Sonye (who must have been high as a kite). It begins with the serial killer uncle, Anwar (Drew Godderis) arriving at his nephews house with the police in tow. He is clearly mad as a hatter but his nephews are happy to see him. He tells them to always listen to him before running outside and being gunned down by the police.
Fast-forward many years later and the boys are now grown-up and running a popular diner. That’s a totally normal thing but what isn’t is the jar in the back that houses their still alive uncle. Well, just his eyes and brain. The boys dug him up, resurrected him and are now following his orders.
Before he was killed by the police, Anwar was attempting to bring back an ancient Lumerian goddess named Sheetar. Now that task falls to Michael (Rick Burks) and George (Carl Crew) who must collect body parts, stich them together and sacrifice a virgin during a ‘blood buffet’.
It is as bat-shit crazy as it sounds and then some. Trying to describe the absolute madness that follows is impossible. You just have to watch it as the brothers kill girls indiscriminately often in silly and over the top ways. It all culminates at the ‘blood buffet’ as Sheetar is resurrected and chaos ensues.
Blood Diner is an absolute mess of a story, badly edited and difficult to follow at times. Once it does settle down, things begin to make sense but it doesn’t get any better. If this was being reviewed on story alone it would be a 1 out of 10. The same goes for the acting; it is atrocious with Rick Burks and Carl Crew working hard to outdo each other for awful delivery. Then there are the ‘bad taste’ moments such as the Nazi wrestler.
So what is good? Why is Blood Diner so entertaining? The over the top violence, gore and set-pieces. This is a bloody movie and while the effects don’t hold up it’s still awesome to see. There are no punches pulled here as body parts are sliced off, heads are devoured, axes are driven into chests and one girl is even deep fried.
Brutal, cheesy and so much fun. A product of the era, everything you would want is here including a whole lot of nudity. It’s utterly awful a lot of time but impossible to not enjoy.
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